Stereotype

I like to think that your worth as a parent is based on how you love your child. It shouldn't matter if you choose breast or bottle, cloth or disposable diapers, daycare or stay at home and it certainly shouldn't depend on how you look. I think as long as you love your child and care for him or her as best you can then you are doing alright. That's why I was so angry to hear a story from one of my friends who was treated like a bad mother based on her appearance.

Ellie is kind of punk rock! I guess you could call her 'alternative'. She has 9 tattoos, some visible if she wears short sleeves or a skirt, and several body modifications including a ring in her nose, a barbell in her eyebrow and I'm sure a few other piercings under her clothing! She dresses punk and often experiments with wacky hair color. She is also THE best mother I know. Ellie and her husband (of 15 years) have 5 children. The oldest is 14 and the youngest just turned 3 and started preschool. I am in awe of Ellie. I struggle to get my one 6 month old baby and me dressed and fed most mornings and there is Ellie packing 4 kids off to school, getting her husband out to his job and now a little one to preschool before heading off to her own part time job. She doesn't have a nanny, her kids do well at school and she cooks fresh food daily. She rarely loses her cool with her children or other people and her kids are a credit to her with their behaviour and good manners. So it came as something of a surprise when I met her for lunch the other day and she was totally wound up!

It emerged that the preschool had pulled her husband to one side when he was collecting Harrison and expressed concern over 'the child's mother'. They apparently felt that it was not setting a good example for Harrison if his mother looked like a deviant! Needless to say Jamie was livid and asked for an explanation. The woman then elaborated that the tattoos and piercings and her general dress were making her concerned for Harrison's well-being and that surely a respectable gentleman like himself could understand that. Jamie proceeded to remove his shirt and show off his own (copious) ink and nipple rings! The woman was speechless. You same Jamie too is into body modification, but his city job requires that it be hidden under a suit! Come the weekend though it's all leather pants and guy-liner! Needless to say Harrison has been removed and will start a new preschool next week, but the damage was already done.

Ellie has never in the last 14 years been treated like that. She's had some disapproving looks, but never has anyone suggested that her appearance means she is neglecting or abusing her child. Since when did body modification make someone a bad person?